Sunday, April 4, 2010

Voyage down the rabbit hole

Welcome to the new blog! I am sure the sudden change of focus demands some degree of explanation, and hopefully this brief post will satisfy. Over the past few months I did not maintain a regular posting schedule on the old blog; this is not because I have lost all desire to write about experiences and issues of life in the “trans-configuration,” but I found I was not composing pieces that were up to my standard. Originally I had hoped to write about scientific breakthroughs in the field of sex determination, but my recent loss of passions for genetics has made this and impossible focus. Likewise, I would love to write in-depth articles about trans identities and social/cultural issues, but I frankly do not have the time to draft essays of sufficient length with all the appropriate references and citations—rather, I don’t have the time to compose such essays without getting anything in return (i.e. money, thesis material, or university credit). This leaves me with personal experiences as a transwoman as fodder for blog posts, and I’d rather not limit myself in such a drastic way (hence the lack of recent posts).

With that in mind, I have decided to begin a new blog, Mapping Wonderland (don’t worry, you can read the old blog here: Now, Mapping Wonderland is clearly a not-so-subtle allusion to Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, but beyond evoking a fantastic literary symbolism, Wonderland (in this context) refers to the world where I spend half of my life. That is, Wonderland is the world I inhabit in my head. This blog is a way to share my own private Wonderland; it is here you will meet both my ego (Sonya) as well and my alter-ego (Phoenix, aka Tegan), and you will see how they navigate both the imaginary and the physical realities. The inspiration for this blog actually stems from a recent existential crisis I had in which I realized that, despite having gone through a gender transition, I continue to feel as though I lead a double-life. On the one hand, I have my fox personality: Sonya. This is the self that exists in the mundane world (another, not-so-subtle allusion, this time to Fables by Bill Willingham)—she’s brilliant, but timid, lacking confidence. She’s introverted and easy-going. On the other hand, there’s the coyote personality: Phoenix—the self of the Wonderland. You’ll be introduced to her more throughout the course of this blog.

Ultimately, there is but one goal of this blog: actualizing alternate versions of reality. At the moment, this means an emergence of Phoenix into the mundane world—a willing manifestation of those parts of me I continue to keep hidden. The blog is an opportunity to explore the mythological world I create around myself. So, if you are willing and brave—or simply curious—I invite you into my world. Bienvenue!